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Reblogged from shedtheillusion  135,848 notes
  • mom:

    hello son you need to put out the fancy dinner plates. i ordered some Chinese food and we will serve it on the plates so we can pretend i cooked

  • son:

    of course mom, can u pass me the apple juice

  • mom:

    of course son. be careful it is very spicy

  • son:

    *sips juice* OH SUGAR U WERE RIGHT MOM THIS APPLE JUICE IS MUCH TOO SPICY

  • dad:

    ha ha ha. wash it down with hot dogs, and all american tradition.

  • son:

    thanks dad. hey, wanna play baseball with me after dinner?

  • dad:

    we can't tonight, son. tonight is the night we are having our annual family photograph taken

  • mom:

    i picked out matching sweaters for all of us including the dog.

  • son:

    we will look great! we should use the photograph as a christmas card! merry christmas from the bakers!

  • dad:

    great idea, son. don't forget about our fishing trip this weekend

  • son:

    golly dad, how could i forget that important american family tradition

Reblogged from ultigom  25,394 notes
kawaii-cockatoo:

thegreenwolf:

ohcorny:

so this is what i ended up with for the “make your audience angry” assignment
i dont know about ya’ll but that phrase pisses me right the hell off

Side tip: if anyone ever grabs your hair like the above, clamp one hand HARD down on your scalp where the hair is coming out (think of how you try to immobilize your hair when brushing tangles out so it doesn’t hurt as bad, only do so at the scalp and not further down the hair). Then use your other hand to start hitting the other person (go for the face!) and blocking any blows they may try to make with their free hand. You can also step into them (which removes the tension on your hair) and start throwing your knees into their groin, stomach, kick the side of their knee, etc. 
The reason hair-pulling works is A) it HURTS and B) it’s an effective handle, especially because your instinct is going to be to pull away. But reduce the pain and the tension on the hair and you have more room to work with until the other person lets go, at which point you can run like hell or otherwise defend yourself as needed.

OH MY GOD NOONE SAYS BOYS WILL BE BOYS STOP WANTING TO BE OPPRESSED
but the above is actually helpful advice i’ve done it before

kawaii-cockatoo:

thegreenwolf:

ohcorny:

so this is what i ended up with for the “make your audience angry” assignment

i dont know about ya’ll but that phrase pisses me right the hell off

Side tip: if anyone ever grabs your hair like the above, clamp one hand HARD down on your scalp where the hair is coming out (think of how you try to immobilize your hair when brushing tangles out so it doesn’t hurt as bad, only do so at the scalp and not further down the hair). Then use your other hand to start hitting the other person (go for the face!) and blocking any blows they may try to make with their free hand. You can also step into them (which removes the tension on your hair) and start throwing your knees into their groin, stomach, kick the side of their knee, etc. 

The reason hair-pulling works is A) it HURTS and B) it’s an effective handle, especially because your instinct is going to be to pull away. But reduce the pain and the tension on the hair and you have more room to work with until the other person lets go, at which point you can run like hell or otherwise defend yourself as needed.

OH MY GOD NOONE SAYS BOYS WILL BE BOYS STOP WANTING TO BE OPPRESSED

but the above is actually helpful advice i’ve done it before